i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
