I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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