You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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