Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
