this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
