piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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