the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
