Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
