I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
