I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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