My hair reeks of homosexuality.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
