He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
