TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
