She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
