I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
