Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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