i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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