Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Found your dick twin last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
