I skipped work to stalk him.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
