I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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