I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
