At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
