dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
