Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
