We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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