my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
