**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
