i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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