He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
