You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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