You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
