I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
