I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
