Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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