6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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