put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
