Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
