I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
