Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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