Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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