i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
