So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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