we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
