Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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