hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
