yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
