well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
