I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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