our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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