well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just pee around me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
