I hate all girls vehemently.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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