First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
