Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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