What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
