...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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