just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
